Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
