Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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