the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
