I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
