he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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