last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
