I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
