Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
