Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
