so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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