wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
