Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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