It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
