I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
