So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
