i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
