The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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