I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My first STD was from a foam party
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We are two peas in an std pod
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
