Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We left the knife in your bed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
