nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
