Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
