you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
