Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
