can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
