i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
