i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
