What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
