It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i drank out of a bidet.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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