a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
