so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
