next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
