I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
