Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
