i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
