If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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