My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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