i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
