Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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