i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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