I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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