Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
