There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
