i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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