what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
