I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
