girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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