Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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