And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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