Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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