Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
