I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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