i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
